Post Secret Valentine's Day Video
Sorry for the long break away...I've allowed life to keep me busy and have been trying to work out a few feelings which have left me a bit confused as of late.
Tonight I'm not even sure where to start...but I'll begin with a little confession of the ego. It had been a few days since I'd heard from Mr. T....and so I told myself that of course I didn't like him, that of course it was just a weekend of something that was really nothing...but the truth is that it wasn't nothing...and so I had to sit and ask myself how I really felt...and this is what it came down to...I don't want to like this person. I don't want to like anyone. I'm afraid of putting my heart or any piece of myself out there for someone to reject. I'm more than happy to care for people that I know cannot care for me back...for people that I know I can never expect anything from...because any disappointment that I might one day feel will only come from myself. So here I sat making excuses for myself and the bit of sting that came along from not hearing from him. And so I decided that I have to conquer my fears, I have to learn to put more than just a smile and a few words out there. So I sent him a text...and he responded. His briefcase had been stolen...phone, laptop, my business card...all of it. He'd been waiting for me to text again so he'd have my number...and of course apologized because he was sure I had coined him a "dick".
So today I want to say "thank you" to my heart for having the courage to admit its fear and still put itself out there in the hopes that someone would catch it.
Sorry for the long break away...I've allowed life to keep me busy and have been trying to work out a few feelings which have left me a bit confused as of late.
Tonight I'm not even sure where to start...but I'll begin with a little confession of the ego. It had been a few days since I'd heard from Mr. T....and so I told myself that of course I didn't like him, that of course it was just a weekend of something that was really nothing...but the truth is that it wasn't nothing...and so I had to sit and ask myself how I really felt...and this is what it came down to...I don't want to like this person. I don't want to like anyone. I'm afraid of putting my heart or any piece of myself out there for someone to reject. I'm more than happy to care for people that I know cannot care for me back...for people that I know I can never expect anything from...because any disappointment that I might one day feel will only come from myself. So here I sat making excuses for myself and the bit of sting that came along from not hearing from him. And so I decided that I have to conquer my fears, I have to learn to put more than just a smile and a few words out there. So I sent him a text...and he responded. His briefcase had been stolen...phone, laptop, my business card...all of it. He'd been waiting for me to text again so he'd have my number...and of course apologized because he was sure I had coined him a "dick".
So today I want to say "thank you" to my heart for having the courage to admit its fear and still put itself out there in the hopes that someone would catch it.
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