Just another day...right?

33…the first time in 33 years that I have ever been alone on my birthday…and it shouldn’t matter should it?  It shouldn’t hurt, right?  It’s just another day isn’t it?  The same as yesterday, the same as tomorrow…but for some sad reason it doesn’t feel the same.

It started out so lovely…sunshine, sweet notes from my smitten…so why come home, eat mac ‘n cheese in the dark and cry?  I have no idea other than to think that I am a complete headcase.  This has been the happiest year of my life, I know that to be certain…but today feels lonely.  Today feels a little empty and so I couldn’t help but to just break down…and now that I’ve started crying, I can’t seem to find the will to stop.

All those years with the husband…but at least I wasn’t alone…there’s just that tiny part of my heart that wants to feel important to someone…to come home and find a glass of wine and a piece of birthday cake and someone to tell me they love me.

I know you’re out there and I want to believe that it won’t be long before we find our way to one another…but tonight…tonight I really miss you…tonight I wish you were here to make me laugh, to hold onto as I fall asleep.  Tonight waiting for you feels unbearable because it wasn’t just another day.